I sometimes feel like I am on the verge of a mental breakdown. Not the well planned and perfectly played ones that the movie stars like to have when their careers are in the shitters. But rather a full-on, bat shit crazy, running down the street naked in bright red lipstick and black eyeliner, meltdown. And trust me, that is something none of my neighbors would be happy to see, but I am quite sure one of them would film it and put it on youtube. 

It’s all the noise. It’s bad enough I have so many voices in my head, but now that both of my kids know how to talk, it’s their voices, too. Add to that a tv, and the dog barking and my husband barking and phones ringing and, well, I just want to freak the fuck out.

So one by one I try to eliminate the noises. Put some food in my husband’s mouth and that shuts him up. Put some poison in the dogs dish… (Just kidding all of you goddamned animal rights activists. Learn to take a joke and people might like you, too.) Get the kids in the shower because it is hard to talk with water smacking you in the face.  Turn off the phones. And for all of maybe 5 minutes it’s somewhat quiet. Even the voices in my head are cooperating.

It is so rare that I actually get to experience real peace and quiet that I would actually like to meet the person that coined that phrase and find out how they do it… and then kick them in the nuts. I assume it is a man by the way, because they can tune out a plane crash in the back yard.  

Even though it is unlikely that I will have an actual breakdown or find peace and quiet for that matter, my life has given me greater understanding of the need for the creation of certain medications. My kids may not be the "strong arguments for birth control" because I could not imagine life without them, but they are a pretty good argument for Valium. My husband is a strong argument for Vodka.

WTFOMGROFL

ac·ro·nym  

/ˈakrəˌnim/

Noun

A word formed from the initial letters of other words (e.g., radar, laser). ***Totally have to admit I did not know radar and laser are acronyms!!

I will never admit that I am getting old, or that I am anything resembling my own mother, but there is probably some truth to both. I was sitting next to some teenage, CW watching little…. Anyway, she was texting a hundred miles an hour and I noticed that it was all acronyms, no actual words.  It was unbelievable, but she literally had a half an hour worth of conversation with only acronyms. She only looked up occasionally to shoot me an angry glare.  I was completely fascinated regardless, trying to guess what they all could mean. I couldn’t read every one without looking like a creepy, stalker old lady, but I was mesmerized. 

I got home an hour later, busted open my laptop and quickly googled  “stupid text acronyms”. WTF!!! There was a full page of at least two hundred ridiculous acronyms. At first I was thinking how much we have evolved that our teenagers now actually have their own language. But then I realized, it is exactly the opposite. We are going backwards. I think during the time of cavemen (if the horrible movies I have seen are correct) they just grunted to communicate. At the rate we are going, it won’t be long before we are grunting. Because honestly, how the fuck do you pronounce UKTR?? Defined as: You know that’s right. Which by the way, also proves how dumb we are becoming, since it should be YKTR.

We as a society, are either so lazy or in such a hurry that we are always searching for shortcuts in every facet of our lives and that has now bled over into our children’s lives. They can no longer even speak in complete sentences. Just the other day my eight year old daughter said “what ev” to me. “What ev?”  She couldn’t even put the “er” on there? Really?

I guess I am a little more harsh because I am an “anti-acronym” person. I think the medical community is the worst culprit and have another blog devoted just to the topic of over labeling kids and over using acronyms.  (A Nation of AOL: Acronyms and Over-Labeling)  Even still, you have to admit, it is getting a little annoying. I know I am not as cool as I once was, at least not to a teenager. In my age group, however, I am a God.

Anyway, maybe it is just the cool thing to do or maybe it saves time.  Either way, just spell it out you lazy asshole.