I sometimes feel like I am on the verge of a mental
breakdown. Not the well planned and perfectly played ones that the movie stars
like to have when their careers are in the shitters. But rather a full-on, bat
shit crazy, running down the street naked in bright red lipstick and black
eyeliner, meltdown. And trust me, that is something none of my neighbors would
be happy to see, but I am quite sure one of them would film it and put it on youtube.
It’s all the noise. It’s bad enough I have so many voices in
my head, but now that both of my kids know how to talk, it’s their voices, too.
Add to that a tv, and the dog barking and my husband barking and phones ringing
and, well, I just want to freak the fuck out.
So one by one I try to eliminate the noises. Put some food
in my husband’s mouth and that shuts him up. Put some poison in the dogs dish… (Just
kidding all of you goddamned animal rights activists. Learn to take a joke and
people might like you, too.) Get the kids in the shower because it is hard to
talk with water smacking you in the face.
Turn off the phones. And for all of maybe 5 minutes it’s somewhat quiet.
Even the voices in my head are cooperating.
It is so rare that I actually get to experience real peace
and quiet that I would actually like to meet the person that coined that phrase
and find out how they do it… and then kick them in the nuts. I assume it is a
man by the way, because they can tune out a plane crash in the back yard.
Even though it is unlikely that I will have an actual
breakdown or find peace and quiet for that matter, my life has given me greater understanding
of the need for the creation of certain medications. My kids may not be the "strong
arguments for birth control" because I could not imagine life without them, but
they are a pretty good argument for Valium. My husband is a strong argument for Vodka.
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