uterus (y t r- s)

Plural uteri (y t -r ) or uteruses

The hollow, muscular organ of female mammals in which the embryo develops. In most mammals the uterus is divided into two saclike parts, whereas in primates it is a single structure. It lies between the bladder and rectum and is attached to the vagina and the fallopian tubes. During the menstrual cycle (estrus), the lining of the uterus (endometrium) undergoes changes that permit the implantation of a fertilized egg. Also called womb.

 

I would like to take a moment of silence for my uterus, the home for my two children for a total of 18 months……aaaaannnndddd….the moment is over. Because for most of my forty years, that little ball of muscle or whatever the hell it is made of, has made my life miserable. Who else in this world could get away with (legally) making you bleed once a month? In my case it was every two weeks at best. I am fully aware that the uterus did not work alone. I know that the ovaries were involved in the chaos. Don’t you worry, they will get theirs. But, for now, the discussion is about the uterus.

I was really concerned that after having a hysterectomy, I would somehow feel like less of a woman. Like the one thing that defines you as a woman, would be gone and I would feel like something was missing. Well, nothing could be further from the truth! I feel free! Free from tampons and midol. Free from headaches and mood swings. Free from my husband being able to say “oh, you must be getting ready to get your period”. Dick.

So my uterus served its purpose and now it’s gone. I am so thankful that it gave me my amazing children, when so many people do not get that gift. That being said, I would still put it in a jar and torment it once a month if I could.

Relaxing Vacation=Oxymoron

va•ca•tion (v -k sh n, v -)

n.

1. A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, or relaxation, especially one with pay granted to an employee.

2. a. A holiday.

b. A fixed period of holidays, especially one during which a school, court, or business suspends activities.
3. Archaic The act or an instance of vacating.

intr.v. va•ca•tioned, va•ca•tion•ing, va•ca•tions

To take or spend a vacation.

The dictionary definition of vacation is “a period of time devoted to pleasure, rest or relaxation”. I wish someone had explained that to my children. It appears that vacations lead to more opportunities for my kids to whine, beg, cry, plead, scream, fart, sneeze, burp, act-up, act-out, climb up, fall down and basically just get on the very last nerve that I have. I think they bought a first class ticket to get on that nerve.

But just as the previous paragraph is put on paper, my mind wanders back to the laughter and smiles that took place in between. Those are the moments that make it all worth while. Watching my son, laugh hysterically as the wave of water from one of the rides crashed over him or my daughter get so excited about riding a ride that makes most adults throw-up. She loved describing every animal and their behavior and was so quick to point out that she had far less fear than most of the grown men in the park (she was right).

You know, if you think about it, we should be jealous of children. They are acting exactly how we feel. Be honest, if you could get away with lying down on the ground and screaming at the top of your lungs when someone annoyed you, wouldn’t you? Or, when you saw something you really wanted (a new Coach bag), that you knew you must have and someone (ok, the bank) said no, wouldn’t it be nice if you could stomp your feet and cry uncontrollably until you got your way? I am starting to think they know something we don’t about the art of negotiation. Big corporations would be wise to learn from children and their ability to negotiate.

Personally, I think the definition of vacation needs to be revised for anyone with children. It should go something like this:
1. A period of time devoted to meltdowns, screaming fits, with some occasional activities in between and then more crying and pouting and then some smiles and laughter all while spending more money than your bank account can support
2. A paid day off work
3. Coming home with memories that last a lifetime and wonderful stories for your kids to tell about their summer